Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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