Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
