You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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