Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
