These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
