i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
