On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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