I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
