I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
