Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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