I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
