I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
