You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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