I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
