How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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