I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He felt like a one man threesome
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
