she woke up with a sticky ear
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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