it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
