Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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