can u get pink eye on your cock?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
