What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
