Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did i walk over a car last night?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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