i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
