I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
