I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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