his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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