Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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