I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
