I cannot find my penis.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
