i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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