I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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