She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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