I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
