I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
