I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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