I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
