My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
