I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
