What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
