totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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