I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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