If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
