im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
