I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
