I'm really into asian looking animals
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
