Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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