I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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