i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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