My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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