maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
