I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
vagina is talking i cant
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
