I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
