Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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