i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize