it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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