I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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