Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
