I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Alive.
So much puke
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
