where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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