his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize