today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
