a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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