and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
