Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
