My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
