I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
